RELATIONSHIP ADVICE I WISH I KNEW EARLIER
Before I get into this topic, this is solely based on what I need from my partner, who I am, etc. So you may think of relationships completely differently than me, which is ok! As I’m writing this I feel the need to share my dating history. I’m definitely a relationship gal. Meaning, I never dated multiple people at the same time or dated a guy for sh/ts and giggles. I just don’t like wasting my time. I would rather be alone than just date for fun. When I was single I enjoyed being by myself and I was never eager to get into dating but if I’m dating someone the goal was to be in a relationship. Of course, you have to date someone in order to find out if they’re the right person for you and that takes time. But I would never go on meaningless dates. Also, my parents have been together for 33 years now, so I believe in a long-lasting relationship and want that for myself. This may be obvious advice to some of you, but I’m sharing my advice because these are things I wish I knew.
+ Know your love language - I didn’t know having a love language was a thing until a couple of years ago. I’ve taken the test a few times and I got quality time and words of affirmations. My boyfriend Josh, is physical touch. Of course, we’re the opposite (HA)! It’s important to know how you want to be loved so you can tell your partner. Don’t assume they know what you want or need. For example, in order to feel connected to my boyfriend, I need us to spend time together without phones or any distractions. I feel loved and appreciated when we have that time together and that’s important to me. Highly recommend taking the 5 Love languages test! Here’s the link
+When something doesn’t feel right, don’t wait for it to play out - Ooof this is a hard one. I’m the type of person that looks for the best in everybody. Which is great but it can distract me from reality. I think sometimes when we like somebody we tend to imagine how they can be versus how they actually are. So to be blunt - if there’s a red flag don’t try to ignore it. Also, I’m talking about the important stuff like if they don’t want kids or if they don’t have the same values as you. Usually, their thoughts on those important things don’t change.
+Having alone time is important - When I was younger, I used to think, “if he doesn’t want to be around me 24/7 he doesn’t love me as much.” And that was just stupid. I think if your partner would rather hang out with their friends all the time than you, that’s a red flag. But having alone time is so important. Josh and I moved in together during the pandemic, so we jumped into being with each other 25/8. Yes, I love hanging out with him but I also love myself and I like my quiet time. I can watch my girly shows, read my romance novel, or style different outfits. His alone time is video games or watching sports, which I love that for him but I would like to do my own thing. So don’t feel bad for wanting time to yourself!
+Relationships take work - You have to put effort into anything you love, right? In order for something to flourish you have to work at it. So, I don’t mean to be so simple here, but relationships take work. You have to communicate with your partner, grow with your partner, adapt with them at every stage of life, and that sh/t ain’t easy. However, it should be an easy choice to love your partner every day and you shouldn’t have to convince yourself to stay in the relationship.